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These are poems, written by me, and were used as part of my master's in spiritual counseling creative project.  They are titled blackberries poems since this is what they were usually written on...free flowing...thought and emotion...some personal...some universal in their subject...I offer them to you, and hope you enjoy them...when the muse returns I will post more..
 
the first two are about my grandmother...a symbol in my  life of unconditional love...she is and will be missed (dry sack being her favorite drink)
 
Dry sack
On the rocks in the summer
Up when its cold

How my heart feels now with out you


Baba

U were like durga
The great mother
Misunderstood like kali
Loving like saraswati
Your poems silly, but poems still

You broke ground

You cared for your kids

Your final pen stroke?
Sparse, and finally allowing all to work it out their own way

All of us lost without you
Even if they don't know it


withdrawl
 
I feel the need for things in life
My man's love and arms
My friends' and children's laughter and conversations
My practice
Is this all devotion?
Bahkti love?

We are guided by our heads so often
The busyness of life...the business of things
The day to day
Perhaps it is in our times of devotion to love that we find our true meanings?
Our true selves?
The connection to the heart?

Or perhaps we are all addicts?
Ever searching for that connection we felt when in heaven?
When in our mother's wombs?
In our mother's arms?
 
Aging

Aging. 
So often resisted
But must be embraced, cannot be quelled
Much like labor
An inevitable process
We have to experience the whole thing
The whole human process

we must, though, pamper our bodies thanking them for their life time of work, 
accepting their changes and working from that place 
 
Inhale...exhale
Let go

Inhale...exhale
Let god in

Inhale...exhale
Let your body melt away

Inhale...exhale
Be

Inhaaaale

Exhaaaale

Inhale
Comeback

Exhale
Be
 
Maybe
 
Maybe sometimes there is no solution,  no answer, no working it out
Maybe sometimes there is just the lesson and walking gracefully away
Maybe that really is what it's all about?  Letting go of right and sometimes 
letting go of people and the resolution of the relationship
Love
любовь

Love in cyrilliac, on my ankle
Why?
Love in any language is beautiful
Amore...hatar...carino....liefde...αγαπώ

But cyrilliac reminds me of a love from a man that was
Pure and honest
Commited and fun
Adventurous and safe
 
 
 
fear and anger

These brothers, they coexist in a dark corner of the mind

A corner of protection of self
I have noticed brother fear is usually the first to appear, then their cousin sadness, and then the protector anger
Anger does what fear and sadness cannot. 
He externalizes, turns the fear and sadness to the outside  and often gets us into trouble

 

 
My two friends
 
you are so much alike
i realize i love you cause you are so familiar
two peas in a pod as it were
two grapes on a vine
 
I can express my shadow self with you both
the Self that was there before and through this life
sure we have a soul contract....
 
similar lessons from both
similar feelings for both
similar withdrawal from both
similar joy and sadness with both
 
love both my girls
for all eternity
lifetimes to come
but maybe we should lay off the wine?
 
 
sheople
 
you know them
they are unquestioning
unexamining
unthinking
 
you know them
they follow the herd
the shepherd
the trends
not their heart
their gut
their inner guidance
 
sheople
it is a created word from my teenage son
a word that is so fitting, so amusing
a word that describes people who are clouded as the taoists say
a word that is judgmental at its core, but oh so descriptive
 
 
 
Fear
 
Of being unloved
Of not being kind and loving enough
Of being left out and missing the fun
Of unconditional love not existing
How do friends just fade away?  Men...
Of being taken advantage of
But yet...
I enjoy my alone time
My life...without these people?
Without you...

Changes have come
 
Self love, I would like me
 
Letting go

I have grown past bonding over our pain
I want to bond over happy
Over love
Over growth

I have to let you go
Cannot take your pain in
Cannot be made to feel sad/guilty/unaccepted for my happiness

It makes me doubt my happiness
Makes me doubt my gut

I want to fall into the safety, the good ness, the love

I choose happiness, love, light

I send you with compassion that I will always have for you
 
 
Happy Birthday
 
Today is the anniversary of you entering this physical realm

47 years ago, your sweet soul came to play, to experience, to love and be loved

Your mama must have smiled so bright to see your deep warm eyes, feel the warmth 
and love in your heart

You are a kind gentle soul, you exude a peace, a grounding, a warmth

You have raised and loved your children, lived a full life, loved, learned, 
stood by people in hard times

You have welcomed the beauty of nature and song 

You have brought happiness and love and a gentleness to those you meet

You have assured great customer service to the people of freehold

Cheers to you my capricorn lover
I raise a glass of  chilled vodka to your life, your presence
You, and ur contribution to the light and happiness of the world
 
 
 
the back jacket of a book on love...doodles of thoughts
 
I want to fall....fall...fall...freely into love
fear blocks my heart, my path
my heart (or maybe it's my mind?) puts up wall, whispers warnings, suspicions i should have-falsities, untruths
the object is to protect this vulnerable part of me
my heart, his heart too
but my heart is wiser than my mind, it sees through this to the other side of the fire
knows truly that there is depth, safety, warmth there
that this fire of love, and passion is not danger, but transmutes
like gold ore into precious metal, sand into glass
this fire will warm us, keep us safe from the demons, the wolves, the hate and coldness of the world and wilderness
this love is the truth, the mind will learn to accept as the heart grows

 

The clock on the ceiling

Taunts me
Every hour as I roll over to look
Reminding me of the sand man's abandonment tonight 

My beautiful man lays next to me
Eyes peacefully closed. Watching as a landscape of dreams dance in his head
A low rhythmic snore 

Reminding me of my lost ticket to the land of nod
Perhaps winkin and blinkin  in their wooden shoe are concerned about my late 
arrival?

The rain outside is so peaceful, so comforting, keeping me company while the 
clock on the ceiling and I have this game of love and hate

My lover occasionally reaches for me, a loving gesture, warm and comforting. 
A further invitation to join him in his rest, his dreams, this magical place of 
our creation that I once again cannot reach

Perhaps tomorrow I will only see the flowing blue lights of the clock in the 
ceiling at 630am

 

A chinese new year transition poem 

This past year of the snake has carved fractures - chasms into my heart allowing a painful clear light to shine through
Fallen idols
fallen heroes
Loss
I know truth more clearly now
More totally now 
Know myself more clearly and totally now
Embracing the new moon
The new year
My new self

 

Shedding of selves

Like a beautiful snake ages we too shed our skins. As the ancient gods and goddess come back to shift humanity- in new guises visnu becoming krisna....laksmi coming to us again as Radha....we too shed our selves. Shed who we thought we were. Let go of beliefs....truths that we once held dear...believed...shaped our lives by....to open to new possibilities....this change comes hard for some...becomes a struggle to cling to the old worn-out self. The person and image we no longer need. But if we step outside. Allow the process, like the snake, we find a new - even more beautiful self. A new smoother graceful presence in the world

 

Flow

 

The leaves sway The branches move With the wind With the change Flexible Loose Non static We struggle We so often stiffen Fight the flow Fight the rhythms of life and change Nature shows us change is all that is constant...rhythm...change...seasonal.... We must learn to be open to this Bending like the leaves and branches of the oak in my yard Grounded/strong yet Flexible reaching for heaven and the light and rooted to the earth

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